Friday, May 4, 2012

The Writer's Voice Contest Entry

Okay, now that I can breathe, yay! There's an awesome contest going on, and I got in by the skin of my teeth! Here's the details:






“The Writer’s Voice” is a multi-blog, multi-agent contest hosted by Cupid of Cupid’s Literary Connection, Brenda Drake of Brenda Drake Writes, Monica B.W. of Love YA, and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.). We’re basing it on NBC’s singing reality show The Voice, so the four of us will serve as coaches and select projects for our teams based on their queries and first pages.

And here's my entry!

INSATIABLE
YA Contemporary Fantasy
68,000 words

Query:


Every night when the houselights go down, seventeen-year-old kinetic Charlie Brimm secretly feasts on the brilliant auras of the human crowd around him. Their music-heightened, upbeat energies replenish Charlie’s own rapidly depleted energy, keeping him alive and healthy—if not completely satisfied.

Then Charlie meets bard-faery and rock singer, Len. One taste of her unusual silver energy leaves him speechless, breathless, and satisfied like no human aura has ever done. The best part? It’s so abundant, he can’t drain her.

But her faery band mates have another mission besides rocking the ears off the local teens. They’re collecting the darkest, most troubled auras from the crowds. In order to fulfill their sacrifice to an ancient faery on the fall equinox, they need lots of negative energy bottled up in one tidy package. The teens provide the auras, but they need someone with Charlie’s ravenous appetite to hold it all. Now that they’ve found him, they need to keep him hungry.

Starving. 

There’s a problem. The more of Len’s aura Charlie absorbs, the less energy he needs to recharge. That’s bad news for the band, but Charlie creates another kink in their hopes for power and glory. Len’s falling for him. The closer she and Charlie get, the more defiant she becomes about gathering the city’s teens for the offering. And an empty vessel won’t do.


Charlie doesn’t want to drain the teens of their energy or to be eaten in turn, but letting Len and her stabilizing aura go means returning to a life of nightly feedings and an insatiable hunger. But getting caught will not only end his life, but the other teens’ lives as well.



First 250:

Everyone gives off colorful haloes of energy. Human seers like to call them auras.
I like to call them dinner.  
Dinner’s where I’m headed right now. With all the clubs, concerts, and parties a guy can crash, the city of Kroewe is the perfect place to get some energy. Which is important for a kinetic like me. All I gotta do is throw myself into a crowd, get close to the auras that appeal most to me, and draw some energy here and there until I’m satisfied. And no one knows anything happened.
 I’m hitting a club called Beatz tonight. Techno’s not really my style, but the place is always packed when they’ve got DJ FYXE. I love watching the kaleidoscope of energies as everybody hits the dance floor. With all the reds, blues, yellows, and greens mixed together, it’s like my own light show. In front of me stands a cute redhead. I know she’s interested because she keeps glancing over her shoulder at me and then giggling with her friends. Too bad her aura’s a funky mix of greenish-pink and red. She’s got some issues going on I’d rather not taste. The glances over her shoulder are becoming longer and slightly uncomfortable stares, but since I’m curious why the line seems extra-long tonight, I introduce myself. “Hey, I’m Charlie.”
Red giggles with the girls around her before she answers. Already I’m wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. She’s gonna be hard to ditch when feeding time comes, and I’m not in the mood for her brand of bruised energy tonight.

53 comments:

  1. I loved your opening 250! I could almost taste the auras myself and it totally sucked me in! Good luck!

    Andrea Berthot #32

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  2. I too love your first 250! I'm totally sucked in. The last line especially, is so powerful and descriptive. Her "brand of bruised energy." WOW!

    Good luck in the contest!

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  3. Definitely an interesting premise to your story! Charlie sort of reminds me of a psychic vampire that feeds off the energy of others in order to survive.

    Good luck in the contest!

    Rachel, #190

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  4. Loved your concept! Sounds like a mix between City of Bones and Twilight. (But obviously very different.) I can tell you're a great writer, and I especially loved the way you started...to me it's dinner. GREAT!
    Good luck!
    -Ryan
    #122

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  5. @ Rachel, hehe! Sort of!

    @ Ryan, I'm blushing! Thanks for such a great compliment!

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  6. By the way - your first few paragraphs are killer, especially "I like to call them dinner." I love that.

    Cheers,

    John

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  7. Haha, "her brand of bruised energy" I love it. REALLY like your first 250! You nailed his voice. And I love the concept. Good luck Brandi!

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  8. Love the concept of an aura eater. Like the rest, love the dinner line, and the bruised energy line. Good luck.

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  9. I love the concept! Good luck!

    -Alex #85

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  10. Grats on a portentous number! Perhaps this might be a case of last in, first out? LIFO for the win!
    I like your entry Brandi. It immediately raises questions in my mind – is consuming something that is shed, evil? It hints auras are replenished so… An intriguing idea – tons of potential, which your style seems capable of making shine. Good luck!

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  11. This is fantastic! I love your opening and your query is excellent! I would totally read more to learn about this aura-eating thing, and Charlie himself! Great job and good luck!

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  12. Intriguing concept. Really enjoyed the first 250. Good luck!

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  13. Love the opening! Sounds like fun. Best of luck! :)

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  14. Great concept and opening. I'd love to see what happens next. Good luck!

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  15. Your first 250 really drew me in - I especially loved the first three lines! Best of luck!

    A. K. #10 :)

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  16. Cool concept, and your query is really good! Good luck!

    -Allie S #137

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  17. Dinner! hahahahaha!
    Glad you got in by the skin of your teeth!
    I really like your writing. You are funny, which is so great.
    Good luck!
    Kristen #147

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  18. I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH YOUR QUERY! Wow, what a difference! I think the transition with "Starving" set apart to the next para opening could be tightened just a little bit, but seriously - WOW. You've clearly put a lot of work into revising this and I think you'll definitely start getting nibbles soon! GOOD LUCK!!! :D

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  19. Excellent query, but you totally SOLD me at the dinner line. Good luck!!

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  20. LOVE those first lines!! The concept is really unique, and I think you do a good job of bringing in different elements to make it compelling. Best of luck!

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  21. Replies
    1. Hmm...interesting premise. I like the concept--it's not the usual fey novel. definitely would read more. Lotsa luck!

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  22. This is so great! AMAZING first lines, and I love that when he 'hits up a club' he's not going there to dance or party, but to eat. Such a twist on a common phrase! Your query was good, and your 250 completely swept me in. Great job, and good luck!

    SC (#159)

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  23. This sounds awesome! I love reading stories about fey, especially when it has some darker roots. I would love to read it!

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  24. Interesting paranormal here. Good luck with the contest! #142 THE PACKING HOUSE

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  25. Good stuff, and thank you for the kind words. Best of luck.

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  26. Very interesting concept. I'd love to see more.

    Good luck!

    Tina (#194)

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  27. Thanks everyone! It means a lot!

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  28. I really love your idea and your first 250 words really caught my attention :) "I like to call them dinner" is brilliant. Good luck in the contest!

    -#72

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  29. I love YA involving bands, and I LOVE your first two lines. Good luck!

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  30. I really like this so far!!! Good luck to you in the contest :)

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  31. "I like to call them dinner." LOL :)

    Great entry!!

    Good luck,
    Tessa #183

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  32. I liked this!! Good luck in the contest!!

    Summer #40

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  33. Interesting concept! Best of luck!

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  34. Great opening lines! And a different twist on faeries. I like it! Good luck!

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  35. Hi Brandi. I'm stopping by from the Writer's Voice contest (entry #58) to wish you the best of luck. I'm now also your newest follower, so: nice to meet you!

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  36. I'm with the others who love the dinner line. Definitely draws me in. Good luck and thanks for stopping by mine (#75) earlier!

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  37. Dear Brandi,
    It's like this idea is not news to me - I already live off creative energy (who needs to eat), feel the earth energy of ley lines without a dowsing rod and see the occasional aura (more plants and trees, but I'm working on people).
    Never put it all together like this though - how incredibly cool.
    Best of luck to you
    Cheers
    Jacky (#130)
    xxx

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  38. I love this concept~ sucking the negative auras off teens? Ha! Very clever :) Your first 250 make me want to read the whole thing. Love the voice! Good luck!

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  39. Love the club scene, the aura feeding idea, and the writing! Good luck!!!

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  40. I am here from the writer's voice - just wanna say I wish you the best of luck.

    - Random, Entry #165

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  41. I LOVE the energy aura colors, and your first 250 plus your query are wonderfully evocative. Poor Charlie! And Len sounds fantastic and intriguing as well...

    Great entry! #23 :)

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  42. this is so good! great voice, great concept! good luck! ferris #175

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  43. Really interesting concept! Best of luck to you!

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  44. "Dinner" hooked me. Neat concept (rocker fae? very cool) Good luck!

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  45. I love the idea of eating someone's aura :) This sounds like it is going to be a lot of fun, plus I like the darker element of the sacrifice.

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  46. Very creative. :) Best of luck!

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  47. Thank you all for the lovely comments! They mean so much!

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